Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Fangirls
by IamTheRaven
Summary: Rick Riordan had just released the PJO series to fanfiction... The whole gang adjusts to roomfuls of Mary Sues, their identities being destroyed, and worse. This is a parody, enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Fangirls

Prologue: Percy's demise.

Rick Riordan sighed as he put down his pen.

"Percy, I am afraid I am tired of you."

Percy looked at Rick nervously.

"Soooo...what are you going to do with me?"

Rick leaned back in his chair.

"I'm afraid Sadie and Carter Kane are more interesting than you. So now you must be left to the fate of Chris Columbus and of course, ."

Percy's eyes widened in horror.

"No...No! Please Rick, I'll do anything, don't leave me to fangirls!"

"Goodbye, Percy."

"NO! Look what they did to Harry! And Bella! Well, Bella was already messed up, but still! Please, don't leave me!"

A knock came on the door.

"Oh, look, it's the fanfiction people."

Percy screamed as the employees of FF dragged him outside and threw them to the fangirls, as well as his friends. One by one, the fangirls ate every shred of his identity so that he forgot his own character. And thus began the quest of the FanFiction girls.

Chapter 1: Attack of the Maria Suebella!

(AN HI!

I beat up the stupid girl who wrote the prologue so here is da REAL story.

this is my 1st fic so B Nice plz. NO FREAKIN flames! Lolz!

Mary: Yeah be nice!

Nico: Are you kidding? This author deserves to die.

Mary: Nico! Be nice!)

Nico's POV

I. Am. In. HELL!

Literally. See, Percy came to visit me and everything was going fine until...uh oh...no! The fangirls gonna switch the PO-

Percy's POV

I was enjoying a walk with Nico and Annabeth when suddenly we fell down a ditch. I would have been happy if we had fallen into a pit of flames, but Hades had to be cruel and instead, there was a little building. Uh, oh...It's the fangirl! Quick she's gonna-

Annabeth's POV

See, we walked into the building and-

Nico's POV

As Annabeth screamed in frustration for only getting one line, we walked inside. It was a beautiful room with many-

Maria Suebella's POV

Hi! My name is Maria Suebella!

I have always lived in the underworld cause Hades says I belong here!

(lolz I luv this character she's like me! I wanna marry Nico) He's stupid, unlike me! I'm the smartest girl in all of my sisters. Here, come meet the rest.

Marie Sui's POV

Hi! I'm Marie Sui, and I am the prettiest of my sisters. My whole life was sad in the underworld, but one day, three halfbloods came to save us.

That was when I first saw him.

The brown hair, the chocolate eyes.

"Oh...What's your name?" I asked.

"Uh...Nico..."

I drew near.

Percy's POV

That was the last time I ever saw the real Nico. As Marie Sui drew closer, Nico fell the ground and screamed.

"Help, Percy! I can feel my identity being stripped away! My personality is being dissolved! Help me, help-"

Then his attitude changed. I watched in horror as Marie came in for the kill. Nico stroked her hair and picked her up, bridal style. Then, he passionately kissed her and they started to make out.

Annabeth's POV

It was terrifying, because I knew we were next, so I opened my mouth and

Percy's POV

Annabeth screamed in frustration for only getting one line again.

Mary Suellen's POV

I was attracted to the boy with shaggy hair and green eyes. I sang to him in singsong,

"My name is Mary Suellen and I have the most beautiful voice!"

The boy screamed.

"Help! I'm in distress!"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I am in an impossible situation!"

"What's that?" I asked.

"I can't be saved from Mary sues"

(AN oops srry I just relaized i was usin proper grammer)

"well i can save u"

I picked him up and saved him and he looked into my eyes.

"mary" he said.

"Percy" I said.

We kissed in delight.

Annabeth's POV

Oh crap, Im the only one left and I only get one-

Marianna sues POV

We introduced the rest of us. We are all butiful 1/2 bloods with amazin skillz. We got pretty voices and were smart and athletic and yah.

(AN awesome isn't it? pLZ review, I love u ppl! NO FLAMES!

Mary: And now you love me, right dearest Nico?

Nico: Oh yes, darling Mary.

*kisses*

Mary: you won't even think about Annabeth even though your fatal flaw is loyalty, right Percy?

Percy: how could I think of anyone but you, darling?

*kisses*

Annabeth: AUGHGHAGH! HELP ME I ONLY HAVE ONE-)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: We lost the Grammartarian!

"Kirk to enterprise. Kirk to enterprise. Hello?"

Spock opened the communicator.

"Spock to Captain Kirk. I'm afraid everyone is dead."

Kirk opened his mouth in shock.

"What? How!"

Spock continued in his logical way.

"That woman you fell in love with...Ms. Mary Sue... Apparently she was an evil alien in disguise who has now spread her people into all other fandoms. They have contaminated all good literature."

Kirk banged his head to the ground in woe.

Star Trek was only the first fandom to fall.

(A/N LOLZ! Hiya everyone! Srry about that stupid beginning, this dumb girl wrote it. Don't worry she's tied up and in the closet now. Time 4 my awesomeness!

Raven: LET ME OUT! You're destroying the fandom!

Me: Puhleez. Ur stories r BORING!

Raven: SOMEBODY HELP! CALL THE FF police before she updates my other stories!

Me: you have other stories? WAHH!

Wooh! I got her! It's okay people, I've subdued the fangirl. On with the story, it's Raven to the rescue!)

Camp Halfblood was in flames. Silena ran to the phone.

"Hello, Silena Beauregard here, what's going on?"

"This is Captain Kirk...Hey, aren't you dead?"

Silena moaned.

"People keep trashing the fandom, so I've been reincarnated. We don't understand what's going on."

"Well, as the first fandom to be abused, we just like to check in and see if we can help from time to time. Rick Riordan just leased you to FF, so it's going to be chaos from here. You only have a few hundred stories so far. We just wanted to let you know your protagonist has just run into his first room of Mary Sues. More weirdness will ensue but you can try to rescue him."

Silena nodded in agony.

"Thanks Captain Kirk."

She hung up and called for Grover.

"Quick, go save Percy and Annabeth and Nico from the Sues before-

(AN AGH CRAP! The fangirl is almost free of her bonds! She's gonna free the Mary Sues! Quick, I must write...)

Grover killed every Mary Sue.

(Take that, fangirl! Oh no...She's almost free! I-

Hi everyone! Srry bout Raven she's a real pain in the butt. I can't believe she killed all of poor Mary's sisters! And the story was going so well, the romances! Oh well. Let's go.)

Percy's POV

Thank the gods 4 grover i cant believe he saved us from the sues but now...oh no! wat is happening?

Annabeth's POV

she took away the grammer and the-

Percy's POV

oh no now sehs siwchting the odrer of the ltetrs! Hlep! It's braley lgebile!

Nico's POV

wat happened 2 the grammer theres no punctuation oh gods save us i cant end a sentence wright hlp

Percy's POV

!

!-!

Me=:(

Me 3 wisegurl X Marisue!

HLP

[^_^]

!

Owl-love: Oh no wr in a chtrm

Emoluver: wat da heck is wit ma username

Seaweed Brain2545: This iz horrible wat da Tartarus is goin on hre?

Emoluver: Y am I emo?

Owl luv:...

Seaweed Brain2545:...

(I'm worn out from ravens attacks. Hope u enjoy my awesome writing. Review plz! NO FREAKIN FLAMES! Luv u all!

Raven: FLAME HER maybe she'll give up!

Me: Ur so mean Raven!

Raven: I'm sorry PJO fans! Run to the Veritas! They can help you! Find Theia or Zoe or Kay! Someone who will beat the crap out of this fangirl!

Me: Veritas?

Raven: Yeah, why don't you go over to Veritaville and see what they do to you? XD I'm sure you will get a warm welcome.

Me: Okay! Ghost Town, here I come!

Raven: MUHAHAHAHA!)


	3. Chapter 3

(Hiya I'm back!

Me: RAVEN! The Veritas r SO mean!

Raven: They banned you because you're a freakin fangirl.

Me: They hate me!

Raven: Well duh. You can't write and you trash the fandom like it's a piece of crap.

I'm ignoring raven shes rong I am a gr8 riter. Let's keep goin!

AGH!

Got her! Okay, here goes the REAL writing. Raven knows best!)

Chapter Three: The OOC machine

I called Percy's phone for the sixth time even though he's not supposed to have one, but anything's possible in fanfiction.

Sally was worried.

"Any response?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"Only his OOC message."

Sally seemed confused.

"OOC message?"

I played back the recording.

"Hi, you've reached Percy Jackson. I'm really sorry I can't get to the phone, but I'm out of character right now: get a beta and fix your grammar, and if I'm ever in character again, I will give you a call back. Thanks for your time, bye!"

I sighed and waited for the ringtone.

"Hey, Percy, it's Raven. I'm Captain Kirk's secretary. I'm afraid that fangirls continue to increase in numbers and as they control your lives, it's going to be difficult to retaliate. There is a magical item you may be able to find in order to solve your problem... Oh no! Crap! Percy, I'm with your mother, but were going to be attacked, oh gods, Percy help! We-"

(AN Geez Raven keeps screwing up my storyz. Well this should teach her, I hung her off da empire state building, lolz. If she breaks her ropes shell die. XD Time 4 awesomeness. NO FLAMES. U 2, veritas, u meanies!)

Percy rushed to find Annabeth.

"Annabeth, we've gotta save Raven! Hecate was nice and restored my character, so I could listen to my messages. Quick we have to help her, she knows how to end the-"

Suddenly Annabeth started to break down and cry.

"Uh...Annabeth?"

(lolz random an)

"Percy, I love you so much!"

I started blushing.

"Okay...But we have to-"

I felt a slinky arm wrap around my shoulder.

"Get away, you," said a familiar voice.

"Ca-Calypso?" I said in awe.

Annabeth started weeping.

"How could you, my love?" she said.

Calypso smiled.

"If he really loved you there would have been more...progress...by now," she said.

I started to get overwhelmed.

"Oh, Calypso, you see, the fangirls have kept us busy, and now we haven't had time, and- wait how did you get here?" I asked.

Calypso answered me by kissing me. I panicked, flailing my arms, desperately trying to escape, but Calypso wouldn't let me go.

"Mmfgh! Calyp- Mmg! Erg!"

She finally let go of me. Annabeth was in tears. Grover snarled at me...Where did he come from?

"Your a jerk, Percy. Come on, Annabeth."

My head started to spin.

"Wait, what the Hades? Annabeth, you should be chopping Calypso's head off, not crying, Grover, you're my best friend, and Calypso...you're acting like a seductress. That isn't like you. What's wrong with you?"

Then it dawned on me.

I screamed like a maniac and ran away.

CRAP!

My friends were all sick with the OOC flu.

"Hecate! My friends got it too!" I yelled, bursting into her lair.

Hecate shrugged.

"I can only cast so many spells. Yours will wear off in about three hours."

I gulped. I only had three hours to save Raven.

(AN Ack! I couldn't control my pen... Hecate's magic iz workin! Don't wrry in 3 hrs Ill b in control again...bttr go and put guards around raven... :D lolz luv u all review plz NO FLAMES!)

(Okay, REAL AN. Are you bored? Check out my Forum and random chat. Random chat for bored people. The forum is called, "Newbies to Fanfiction, Specifically Percy Jackson." It's not just for newbs but it is newb friendly.

And for people who keep sending me chain letter forwards...

STOP SENDING ME CHAIN LETTER FORWARDS!

THIS IS WHAT I REPLY TO ALL CHAIN LETTER FORWARDS!

Hello, my name is none of your business. I am suffering from seven rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a potato growing out of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the girl (or guy) of my dreams tomorrow! What a bunch of junk. So basically, this message is directed to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain letter forwards. Maybe the evil letter leprechauns will come into my house and write "I'm a moron" on my forehead in permanent marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by a knight of the round table and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. It's getting old. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:

(Scroll down) Make a wish! No, really, go on and make one! Oh please, they'll never go out with you! Wish something else! No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being! Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet? STOP! Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE! Really! Here's how it goes: *Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life. *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks! Good Luck!

Chain Letter Type 2:

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of junk. So go on reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder – if you accidentally send this to only 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly! Thanks again!

Chain Letter Type 3:

Hi there! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad email addicts with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:

1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story* #1

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died too. This Could Happen To You!

*Bizarre Horror Story* 2

Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a plane that just happened to be flying directly above him. This Could Happen To You Too!

2. Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.

Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends. Friends Blah, Blah, Blah, Friends, Blah, Blah, Blah. A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, no one will like you for as long as you live. I mean it, as long as you live. The point being?

*If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you friendless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. *If it's funny, send it on. Don't annoy people by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only chance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

*******Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your socks missing tomorrow morning.

Yeah, I have attitude.

STOP THE FORWARDS!)


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